my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
