You're my little dorito
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
