"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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