Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
