Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize