He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
