I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
