WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
