I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
