It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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