Pants 0. Shit 1.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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