Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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