omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
