Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
