Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize