I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
