Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
