My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
