don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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