Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
