Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize