So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
