girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
