it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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