Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
