i dedicated my morning wood to you.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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