You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
