YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
