Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
