Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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