i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
