I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
