Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
