I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
