ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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