She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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