Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
