She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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