Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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