Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
