somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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