Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
