I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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