i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
