Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
