She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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