FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
