I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
