I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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