Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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