Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
