Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
