I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
