Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
