You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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