How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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