how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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