Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
