that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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