Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
