how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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