She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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