I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
