apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize