If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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