Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize