Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
