My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
