Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
