her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
