Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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