Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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