Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
