I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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