nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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